Lemmikud

He who laughs, lasts.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there.

Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

Apologists for the profession contend that lawyers are as honest as other men, but that is not very encouraging.

During the mid-1980's dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?

God works wonders now and then; Behold a lawyer an honest man.

He is no lawyer who cannot take sides.

I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters.

I always figured that being a good robber was like being a good lawyer.

If half the lawyers would become plumbers, two of man's biggest problems would be solved.

If it weren't for the lawyers we wouldn't need them.

Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made.

Lawyers and insurance agents deserve one another.

Lawyers are jackals.

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke.

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.

Lawyers: persons who write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief.

Most lawyers are swine. And not even nice swine.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

The laws I love; the lawyers I suspect.

The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk.

The people can change Congress but only God can change the Supreme Court.

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff.

Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit.

Woe unto ye also, ye lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne, and ye touch not the burdens with one of your fingers.

Bodily exercise profiteth little.

Half a loaf is better than no free time at all.

He slept beneath the moon/He basked beneath the sun;/He lived a life of going-to-do,/And died with nothing done.

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.

I am happiest when I am idle. I could live for months without performing any kind of labor, and at the expiration of that time I should feel fresh and vigorous enough to go right on in the same way for numerous more months.

It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.

Never do anything standing that you can do sitting, or anything sitting that you can do lying down.

Whenever I feel the urge to exercise coming on, I lie down until it passes over.

Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash.

For the past eleven years, American students have scored lower on standardized tests than European students, Japanese students and certain species of elk.

He is either dead or teaching school.

Hard students are commonly troubled by gowts, catarrhes, rheums, cachexia, bradypepsia, bad eyes, stone, and collick, crudities, oppilations, vertigo, winds, consumptions, and all such diseases as come by over much sitting; they are for the most part lean, dry, ill-colored; spend their fortunes, lose their wits, and many times their lives; and all through immoderate pains and extraordinary studies.

For every person wishing to teach there are thirty not wanting to be taught.

If you think education is expensive--try ignorance.

In the first place, God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.

It is tiresome to hear education discussed, tiresome to educate, and tiresome to be educated.

It is when the gods hate a man with uncommon abhorrence that they drive him into the profession of a schoolmaster.-Seneca ,"Epistolae ad Lucilium," 64 AD

Much knowledge is a curse.

It's easier to graduate than to learn.

Of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.-

Thou hast most traitorously corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar school.

Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over?? Movie Day.

All men's lives are fairy tales written by the fingers of God.

Any idiot can face a crisis--it's this day-to-day living that wears you out.

Be careful how you interpret the world; it is like that.

I wept when I was born and every day explains why.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.

In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.

It is not certain that everything is uncertain.

It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong--but that's the way to bet--Damon Runyon 1884

It's a grand life, if you don't tire.

Life does not begin at conception, but when the kids leave home and the dog dies.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

Lif is too short.

Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.

Life is a dead-end street.

Life is a dream--but don't wake me.

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.

Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire to change his bed.

Life is a quarantine for paradise.

Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch.

Life is a sexually-transmitted disease.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. By this definition, the amoeba, the mango, the frog, the squirrel, the bear, the begonia, and many lawyers are forms of Life.

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering--and it's all over much too soon.

Life is just one damned thing after another.

Life is like a B-grade movie. You don't want to leave in the middle, but you don't want to see it again.

Life is like a dog-sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Life is like a scrambled egg.

Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.

Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it.

Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament.

Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.

Life is one long process of getting tired.

Life is something that everyone should try at least once.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleeep.

Life is too short to be small.

Life is too short to do anything for one's self that one can pay others to do for one.

Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.

Life can be divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around.

Living is like licking honey off a thorn.

My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.

My theory is to enjoy life, but the practice is against it.

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

Reality is a collective hunch.

Search for meaning, eat, sleep. Search for meaning, eat, sleep. Die, search for meaning, search for meaning, search for meaning.

Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story.

The meaning of life is that it stops.

The things that I can't have I want,/And what I have seems second-rate,/The things I want to do I can't,/And what I have to do I hate.

The times are not so bad as they seem; they couldn't be.

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.

The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.

Things aren't as bad as they seem. They are worse.

To dream is happiness; to wake is life.

While we are postponing, life speeds by.

Hamlet is the tragedy of tackling a family problem too soon after college.

Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around.

Never judge a book by its meeting.

Our American professors like their literature clean and cold and pure and very dead.

To mankind in general, Macbeth and Lady Macbeth stand out as the supreme type of all that a host and hostess should not be.

It's the poor loser who finally loses out.

A lot of people wonder how you know if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this one question: "Would I mind being destroyed financially by this person?"

Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Conners, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger, and nothing like Robert Redford--but you'll take him anyway.

It is better to have loved a small man than never to have loved a tall.

Love conquers all except poverty and toothache.

Love is a grave mental disease.

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke

Love is being stupid together.

Love is just a chemical reaction. But it's fun trying to find the formula.

Love is like the measles. The older you get it, the worse the attack.

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin--it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

Love is the ame as like except you feel sexier.

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love.

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

True love is like seeing ghosts: we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.

Two things only a man cannot hide: that he is drunk and that he is in love.

We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit.

I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

So unlucky that he runs into accidents which started out to happen to somebody else.

The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

You need a strong stomach to digest luck.

Everybody is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone says anything back, that is an outrage.

You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police. Yet in their hearts there is unspoken - unspeakable! - fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts! Words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home, all the more powerful because they are forbidden. These terrify them. A little mouse - a little tiny mouse! - of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.

Never abandon life. There is a way out of everything except death.

The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.

Truth is incontrovertible, ignorance can deride it, panic may resent it, malice may destroy it, but there it is.

Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.

I like a man who grins when he fights.

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

There are a lot of lies going around... and half of them are true.

The price of greatness is responsibility.

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

A fanatic is a person who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

A nation that forgets its past is doomed to repeat it.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

I am ready to meet my maker, but whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

In wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.

We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But, it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

The inherent vice of capitalism is the uneven division of blessings, while the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal division of misery.

Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others.

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on.

Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because it has been said it is the quality which guarantees all others.

Never give in. Never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

So they [the Government] go on in strange paradox, decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, solid for fluidity, all-powerful to be impotent.

Democracy is the worst form of government except for all those others that have been tried.

Today we may say aloud before an awe-struck world: 'We are still masters of our fate. We are still captain of our souls.'

I would say to the House, as I said to those who have joined this government, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our policy? I will say: It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us; to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark, lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory

We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

Still, if you will not fight for the right when you can easily win without bloodshed, if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not so costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance for survival. There may be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no chance of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.

Hitler knows that he will have to break us in this island or lose the war. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free, and life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fall, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age... Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour.'

From the days of Sparticus, Weishophf, Karl Marx, Trotski, Belacoon, Rosa Luxenburg, and Ema Goldman, this world conspiracy has been steadily growing. This conspiracy played a definite recognizable role in the tragedy of the French revolution. It has been the mainspring of every subversive movement during the 19th Century. And now at last this band of extraordinary personalities from the underworld of the great cities of Europe and America have gripped the Russian people by the hair of their head and have become the undisputed masters of that enormous empire.